


Recovery

by AvengersCompound (emilyevanston)



Series: Finding Home [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Awesome Wanda Maximoff, Christmas, Foreplay, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutant Powers, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 05:12:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16401938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/AvengersCompound
Summary: Five months since the death of Daisy, Bucky has pulled away from Steve unable to come to terms with his feelings of responsibility for her death.  Steve and Wanda pull together to bring him around for the holidays.





	Recovery

They’d settled in Canada.  Canada didn’t sign the Sokovia accords.  They also had places remote enough that they could be alone, but they were still connected to the world enough that if something were to happen … well, they’d be there ready to defend the world like they’d always done in the past. **  
**

Wanda had come with them.  They’d told her it was fine, they could handle it.  She didn’t like the idea of them being alone and not having any way to deal with the kid’s abilities.  Also, she hated being on the run alone.  She’d spent her life with someone constantly by her side.  Now he was gone, she was lost and she needed the consistency of other people she knew and trusted.  Steve had always understood her, so she stayed by his side.

Steve was slowly moving on from his grief at the loss of Daisy.  He was used to being the strong one.  It was what he did.  Having the kids helped.  They needed him.  Having Bucky helped more.  He kept telling himself this was what she wanted.  Since the day they’d met she just wanted to get Bucky back to him, and now she had.  So he was going to appreciate her sacrifice.  

Bucky was struggling more.  It was strange.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that her death was just one more person’s blood on his hands.  Yet now she’d freed him from the soldier, he found himself being happy more and more.  Happy like he was back when Steve was just a little guy and he hadn’t been sent off to war.  Anytime that happened his grief swallowed him even deeper.  The thought of his happiness being solely due to the fact the woman he loved died felt impossible to live with.

As the seasons changed and Christmas approached Steve became single-minded about making it a good one.  This was his family now.  He wanted to start making happy memories for them.  He needed it.  For himself.  For all of them.

He started by taking everyone shopping.  He knew it was risky, but they all bundled up and driven the two hours it took to get to any sort of shops.  They had limited funds but were able to buy decorations and gifts.  Sarah fussed constantly.  She wasn’t used to being around so many minds and she hadn’t worked out how to block them out.  

They bought supplies to help get them through the winter too.  Making sure they had all the things needed for a proper Christmas dinner.  

When they got home Steve went and cut down a small pine tree.  First checking to make sure nothing had made their home in it.  He set it up in the living room and he and Wanda decorated it together.  

Jamie and Sarah became obsessed with the tree.   Sarah, much like her brother had physically developed very fast.  At five months old she was crawling around and pulling herself up on things.  She babbled constantly.  Steve erected a small fence around it to keep them away from the gifts, but the two toddlers would stand and stare and reach their hands in trying to grab the colorful baubles and brightly wrapped presents.  

Wanda gave them a pack of colorful magnets depicting various farm animals to distract them.  The two would toddle around the house finding things that would stick on.  Yes to the fridge.  No to the wall.  Yes to a lamp.  No to the couch.  No to one daddy.  Yes to the other.  

The discovery that magnets stuck to only one person in the house became the most interesting game of all.  Anytime Bucky sat down a little body or two would toddle over and start sticking them to him.  He’d sit and let them create their scenes and when they were done he’d flex the plates on his arm and they’d all go flying causing Jamie and Sarah to squeal with delight and go gather them back up again.  

“That looks like fun,”  Steve said, finding the three playing together on the couch.  He sat down and put his arm around Bucky.  

Bucky’s face fell.  He’d allowed himself time to be happy again.

“Daddy’s sad,”  Jamie said, climbing into Bucky’s lap.  He touched his hands on his head.  

Steve picked Jamie up.  “We don’t change people’s feelings, remember?”  He said.

Jamie grumbled and wriggled out of Steve’s arms.  Climbing back into Bucky’s lap and resting his head against Bucky’s chest.  Steve leaned over and ran his hand through the little boy’s hair.  

“She would want you to be happy, Buck,”  Steve said. “She’d want these moments for you.”

“She’d want to be alive,”  Bucky said, looking away from Steve.

“She knew the risk.  Everyone told her.  She wanted you to be happy.  She wanted us to be happy.  It’s not your fault she made that choice.”  Steve said.  Sarah had started tugging at his leg and he lifted her up and held her on his knee.  

“Yeah, but if I just …”  

“No buts, Buck.  It’s what she wanted.  She died for it.  You could at least allow it to happen when it does.  You don’t always have to be happy, but let yourself be happy when you are.”

Sarah was tugging impatiently at Steve’s shirt.

“Sawa wans a boddle.”  Jamie said, interrupting the conversation.

Steve looked down at his daughter.  “Is that what you want, little miss?”  

“Ba ba ba ba.”  She babbled.  

Steve got up, brushing his hand through Bucky’s hair as he did.  “I love you, pal.  I know I don’t say it much.  At least not in those words.  But I do.  I want to make this work, but I need you to want it too.”

Bucky let his head fall back over the end of the couch.  The door opened and Wanda stepped through accompanied by an icy blast of air.  “It’s started snowing.”  She said, stamping her feet and shrugging off her coat.  

Bucky turned to looked at her and Jamie stood in his lap and clambered up to his shoulder.  “Daddy’s sad.”  He said, making a pick me up gesture to Wanda.  “Fix him.”

She came over and lifted him.  “You know not to fix him with here.”  She said tapping Jamie on the forehead.  “You should fix him with here.”  She tapped his chest above his heart.

“You fix him,”  Jamie said.

Wanda laughed and sat down next to Bucky.  He lifted Jamie from Wanda’s arms and the little boy snuggled down into his chest again, his hand patting over his heart.

“Sorry,”  Bucky said.

“There’s no need to be.”  Wanda fiddled with her fingers.  “James, you know I knew Daisy too.  She and Steve were the first people to trust me on the Avengers.”

“Yeah.  But she didn’t…”

Wanda cut him off.  “I know her loss is worse for you.  I’m not trying to take it away from you.”  She said.  She started moving her fingers the glowing red light of her powers flickering across them.  Jamie shifted in Bucky’s lap to watch.  “One reason she trusted me was, she knew we shared a similar journey.  I was a child when I chose to go to Hydra.  So full of hate.  I had my brother.  Pietro.  We were tortured together to make us special.  They harnessed our anger and our fear and made it this.”  The light in her hand grew bigger and she snuffed it out.  Jamie grabbed her hand and started pulling on it to try and get the light back.  She ruffled his hair.  “She didn’t go to Hydra willingly, but her life was much the same.  Only she didn’t have a brother.  She had you.  You kept her alive and sane.  You made it so she never totally gave herself to Hydra.”

“I know all that,”  Bucky grumbled.  “Does this story have a point?”

“When Pietro and I saw the path our hate was taking us on, we joined the Avengers to undo it.  Pietro sacrificed himself to save Clint and a child.  I still don’t understand why that happened.  He was shot.  Yet he moved faster than bullets.   How does that happen?”  She shook her head like she was trying to clear it.  “That’s not the point.  The point is; is that it did happen.  I had always had Pietro.  Here.”  She touched her chest above her heart.  “And here.”  She touched her forehead.   “Much like you and Daisy.  When I lost him I felt it.  It was like my heart was torn out.  I still feel it to this day.”

“How do you live with that?”  Bucky asked.

“Because I have to.  It’s not always easy, but what choice do I have?  I can’t let my misery consume me.  And neither can you.  You’re a parent, and you have someone alive right here who loves you so much he has been carrying it with him for a century.  Are you really going to let your grief take you away from him again?  When the loss you mourn is for someone who gave you to him.”

Steve stepped back into the lounge feeding Sarah.  She was reclined back in his arms and beginning to drift off to sleep.   “Did you have a good walk, Wanda?”  He asked.

“I did, thank you.  Did you want me to take, Sarah?”  

Steve shook his head.  “I’ve got her.   I was thinking we should make eggnog tonight, maybe teach Jamie how to make s'mores.”  

“I have never made s’mores either.  I would love to learn.”  Wanda said, smiling. 

“What do ya think, Buck?  Then maybe Jamie can leave cookies and milk out for Santa.”  Steve said.  

Bucky smiled.  “Yeah, that sounds great, pal.”  He looked down at Jamie and ruffled his hair.  “You should have a nap, little guy.”

“Not tired,”  Jamie grumbled rubbing his eyes.  

“Yes, you are.   Come on.”  Bucky stood up and started heading to the bedroom.

“No.”  Jamie pushed.  Bucky wavered for a moment and Wanda jumped to her feet.

“Hey, no using your abilities on your dad. Undo it.”  She said.

“No!”  Jamie cried.

“Undo it, right now,”  Wanda said, narrowing her eyes.  

Bucky suddenly shook his head and turned to Wanda.  “Damn.  He’s a little scary sometimes.”  

Wanda laughed but it was a nervous, uncomfortable laugh.  “He’ll be okay.  We can do this.”

“Thank you, Wanda.  And for before.”  Bucky said.

“Anytime, James.”

* * *

That night they spent together.  This weird mismatched family.   They toasted marshmallows on the open fire and turned them into s’mores.  Bucky made the eggnog, and Wanda made a dinner that was as close to a traditional Sokovian Christmas meal as she could.  Roast duck and spiced, potato dumplings, beef rolls on sauerkraut, bread, herb and ham balls in roast onion white sauce.

After dinner, they stayed up talking and singing songs together.  Bucky let himself actually feel true contentment for the first time since he signed up to join the army in 1942.  Right at this moment, he was safe and Steve was too.  He was himself.  He was a parent.  All the things he had dreamed of but never thought would ever come to fruition had happened.  He’d just been too deep in grief to appreciate it.

Steve and Bucky got the kids to sleep and said their goodnights to Wanda.  Steve started removing his clothes, getting ready for bed.  Bucky came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Steve.  He kissed him under the ear, grazing his teeth over his throat.  

Steve hummed and leaned back into Bucky.  Their mouths met, Bucky dominated Steve.  He’d been keeping himself from Steve for too long and he wanted Steve to know how much he wanted him and needed him.  His hands slid down into the waistband of Steve’s pants.  He stroked up and down the line of his Adonis’ belt and down to his inner thigh.

Steve pulled away, breaking their kiss.  “Buck.  Are you sure?  We haven’t…”

Bucky let Steve go and they turned to face each other.  He cupped Steve’s jaw and stroked his thumb along it.  “I’m sorry, Stevie.  I’m sorry I’ve left you alone to just care for us.  That you haven’t had a chance to grieve because you’ve just had to be the strong one.  I’m going to be here now.  I want us to be …”  He trailed off, not knowing how to end.

“Us?”  Steve asked.

Bucky nodded and Steve pulled him into a kiss, pressing his body tightly against Bucky’s.  They started to shed each other’s clothes as they moved towards the bed.  When they reached the mattress they just fell together, hands stroking, clawing and gripping at each other.  Their mouths battled.  The feelings that Bucky had been suppressing out of guilt and that Steve had been holding back to give him time all coming out at once.  Lust and love and passion.  Their complete need for each other.  

That night they made love three times.  Not concerned with the early start they had, or the fact that Sarah was likely to wake them at 2 AM. They just were unable to keep their hands off each other once they started.  Eventually, they fell asleep completely wrapped around each other.  They slept soundly until dawn.  The first time that had happened for either of them since 1945.  

They were awoken at sunrise by Jamie jumping on the bed and tapping them.  “Daddies.  Santa’s been.  You gotta wake up.”  

Bucky and Steve opened their eyes and looked around blearily.  “Did Sarah actually sleep through the night?”  Bucky asked.

“It’s a Christmas miracle.”  Steve laughed, rolling out of bed.  He grabbed his pajama pants from the ground and pulled them on.  “Okay, Jamie.  Let’s go get your sister and see what Santa brought you.”  He said picking Jamie up off the bed.  He grabbed Bucky’s boxers from the floor and tossed them at him.

“Love you, Buck.”

“Love you too, Stevie.”  Bucky laughed.  

“Me too?”  Jamie said pouting.  

Bucky sat up and pulled his boxers on.  “Of course I do, champ.  Love you to bits.”

Steve kissed his son on the head and headed to the kid’s bedroom.   “Daddy’s happy now,”  Jamie said, looking up at Steve.

“He’s getting there, buddy.  He’s getting there.”


End file.
